Did you hear about the Newfie terrorist who tried to blow up a school bus?
He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.
How many Newfies does it take to go ice fishing?
Four. One to cut a hole in the ice and three to push the boat through.
Did you hear about the Newfie who went ice fishing?
He caught fifty pounds of ice and his wife drowned trying to cook.
An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Newfie had decided to go on a hunting trip and were staying in a cabin in the woods. They decided to go hunting one at a time, while the other two stayed and guarded the cabin. The Irishman goes out first and comes back with a fox. He says, very simply, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I catch fox.". Then the Englishman goes out and comes back with a rabbit. He says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I catch rabbit.". Then it was the Newfie's turn. He goes out and comes back limping and badly beaten up. He says, "I see tracks, I follow tracks, I get hit by train."
Did you hear about the Newfie Rubix's cube?
It's white on all sides and it takes two minutes to solve.
Q: A Newfie ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please, I could never eat twelve pieces," replied the Newfie.
Q: Why did the Newfie wear condoms on his ears?
A: So he wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
A girl had invented a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any practical way to profit from it.
So, thinking clearly, she set up the device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer the man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man was asleep, he'd be jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth, and she'd hold a sign up saying, "$50, or I'll bite hard!" Of course usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go.
Well one day a Newfie broke down, and had to stay the night. Sure enough, he felt something between his legs at night, and there she is with him in her mouth and holding the sign: "$50 or I'll bite." The Newfie just smiled and said, "$100 or I'll pee!"
A letter from a mother newfie to her son.
Dear Son:
I am writing this slowly because i know you're a slow reader.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most car accidents happened within 20 miles of the home, so we moved. I can't send you the address, cuz the last couple that lived here (newfies) took the numbers with them for thier next house so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine, but the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen them since. The bathroom's a funny place for a washing machine.
It rained here only twice last week; three days the first time, and four the second.
About the coat you wanted me to send you; Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it siad that if we didn't make the last payment on Granny's funeral, up she comes.
About your sister; She had a baby this morning! I haven't found out wether it's a boy or a girl so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out, but the other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate open.
Aunt Mabel is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her that you grown another foot since she last saw you, so she's making another sock.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Take care.
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Sat 20 Oct - 16:05
