albert jokes

The Canadian Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they
had covertly funded a project with the Canadian auto maker Ford for
the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black
boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine the
cause of fatalities in accidents.

They were surprised to find in almost all provinces the last
words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the province of Alberta was different, where 89.3 percent
of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"

Top 10 Reasons to be from Alberta

Big Rock
Preston Manning
Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
The Premier is a fat, wife-beating alcoholic with a grade 4 education
Flames vs. Oilers
Stamps vs. Eskies
You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it

COMMON ALBERTAN QUALITIES

You lament the fact that grain elevators are disappearing from the countryside.
Your idea of a ski hill is a pile of frozen cow dung.
You immediately dislike Calgary.

BAHAHAHA,that's awesome.

A family moved from Newfoundland to Alberta. Johnnie started school at the new location, in grade 3.

One day the teacher asked individual students to count to 50. Many of them did very well, some getting as high as 37. But Johnnie did extremely well; he made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes. At home he told his Dad how well he had done. Dad told him, "That's because you are from Newfoundland, son".

Next day, in "language", the teacher asked students to recite the alphabet. Some made it to the letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnnie outdid them again. He made it all the way through, missing only the letter "m". That evening he once again brought his Dad up to date and Dad explained to him, "That's because you are from Newfoundland.

Next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnnie noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well - endowed". This confused him. He told his Dad, that night, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Newfoundland?"

"No, son," explained Dad, "that's because you're 18!"

That. Is. Hilarious. Well done.

I was too lazy to post, so I edited your post